How to Elevate-Pitch Your Life

Having just finished an inspiring course on “The Literary Agent” with Curtis Brown Creative (CBC), my heart is singing with elevator pitches! Have you heard of those things? You haven’t? Honestly? But … I mean, how can anyone live their whole life without an elevator pitch? I’m being serious here. Okay, more on the pesky little elevators in a minute.

Firstly, just a few words about creative writing courses. If you’re a keen, aspiring writer but not yet fully confident of the way forward, I would thoroughly recommend you enrolling on one. Whether it’s a mini-stint like the course I’ve just completed (four weeks) or a longer bash like the selective “Writing a Novel” course (three or six months), it’ll be worth it.

Once you’ve enrolled, and then worked out all the technical stuff – the CBC tutors are very good about helping any dinosaurs on board – you’ll find yourself in a group of like-minded scribomaniacs, all supporting each other, all aiming towards that elusive, golden Stairway to Success.

When the course finally kicks in, be prepared for a wide spectrum of writing abilities that range from blushingly amateurish to hugely impressive. If you can, go for a selective course, because then you’ll be in with a bunch of extremely capable writers, some of whom might already have a few short stories, poems or articles to their name. And some of whom might even have been signed up by an agent in the past (moi) but whose novel sadly didn’t make it to the publisher’s desk, for reasons way too gruelling and frustrating and convoluted and self-destructive to bother you with here.

Whatever the course type, the main objective of every single member of this friendly family of fellow writers is to gain advice on how to get, and then keep, that King of Kings, that Queen of Queens – The Literary Agent! (This is where you’re supposed to bow in reverence.) That’s how Bonnie Garmus of Lessons in Chemistry fame got hers, did you realise that? Yes, she is indeed an alumna of one of the CBC courses.

When I met my own erstwhile agent-king in London a few years ago, he turned out to be an ordinary human being, believe it or not. I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Older than I’d expected, jovial, a bit on the paunchy side, and with a lovely lyrical accent. He bought me a sumptuous lunch, ordered lots of wine, complimented me on all sorts of things (not just my writing) … and then, a few mad months later, decided to close his business for good. “Financial difficulties,” he emailed me by way of explanation. I cried all that night, and thumped my fists against the wall all the next day, and ranted to my poor family and friends about the unfairness of the literary world for the next few weeks. And finally, I calmed down and did what we’re all expected to do in such situations. Move on.

So I moved on, enrolled on a CBC course, gradually uplifted myself, thanks to my wonderfully nurturing cohort and encouraging course leaders. And I continued to write. And eventually finished my book: Infinite Stranger.

Okay, so what’s all this fuss about elevator pitches, do I hear you ask?

Quite simply, they’re one of the essential skills you’ll need to acquire if you’re serious about the entire getting-published process. And, if your novel happens to hit that delicious g-spot with agents – i.e. incorporating an amazing plot, narrative arc, dialogue, atmosphere, setting, voice, zeitgeist theme and a brilliant elevator pitch – you might find yourself hailed as the next No 1 author on the New York Times Bestseller List.

To get to the heart of the matter, here are some definitions of that all-important elevator.

• It’s called an elevator pitch because it can be delivered during a short ride in the elevator;
• It’s a book hook that helps agents understand the basic concept of your book while enticing them to read more;
• It should be succinct and clear, ideally, just one or two sentences, and no more than 50 words.

To wrap up now, how about trying out this task?

Write an elevator pitch about your life in a way that would entice an alien to be reincarnated as YOU.

Come on, have a go! It’ll help you when it comes to elevator-pitching the real thing, i.e. your book, not your life. Because let’s face it, all true writers know that their novel is way more impressive than their measly little life. Where there’s a pitch, there’s a way, right? We have to be brave!

Okay, so here’s my life’s elevator pitch.

When a passionate pianist, an earnest educator and a dedicated writer discover that they’re one and the same person, they are thrown into a terrifying battle of wills. Who will be the winner?

Now it’s YOUR turn!