Bollocks to New Year’s Resolutions!

‘Nearly everything that happens to you in life you forget. Should have kept a journal.’

I came across those words while reading Ian McEwan’s latest novel, ‘Lessons’, and they lifted my mid-winter spirits astronomically. Why? Because keeping a journal is at least one New Year’s Resolution I don’t have to worry about, seeing as I’ve been doing precisely that since I was sweet thirteen. Every year, a New Chapter. So, Ian, I’ve got one up on your protagonist there, hah!

Seriously though, the fact that there’s at least one thing I do successfully, year in year out, is something to celebrate at a time when practically everyone is filled with false hopes about all the new things they’re absolutely, definitely, FINALLY going to do this year! Oh, yes they are! And then, fast-forward a few days or weeks or months into the new year, which is now in danger of ageing, even becoming last year, they’ve wised up to a simple fact. Which is this. New Year’s Resolutions are bollocks. Why? Because all they succeed in doing is making you beat yourself up. The longer the list, the more broken promises to yourself, and the more broken bones.

For the last God knows how many years, I’ve put this same promise on my New Year’s Resolution list: do at least ten minutes’ Spanish a day. Easy peasey, right? Just ten little minutes. 600 little seconds a day. Who could possibly fail such a resolution? Moi, that’s who. Oh, every now and then I do manage to practise my Spanish when I meet my Peruvian friend and we chat away for over an hour while sipping coffee and munching brownies. But that doesn’t count. That’s just socialising, which happens to be in Spanish. That’s cheating.

Here’s another of my broken bones. Be more patient with family. I gave up on that one long ago. I’m impatient by nature, and that’s that. These are the genes I was dumped with at conception. It doesn’t mean I’m bad by nature; just a wee bit on the impatient side. (At least friends and colleagues won’t be aware of it, because this maligned DNA component for some weird reason only applies to close family.) Anyway, another useless resolution, another broken bone.

Ah, here’s another one. Revise old piano repertoire from music college days. Really? What am I even thinking? That’s three years of complex Classical piano pieces that I haven’t played in decades – and now, in this wonderful new year of opportunities, I’m suddenly going to reactivate all of them? Puhlease, get wise, Wendy! I’m still playing the same old pieces I’ve somehow, barely, managed to keep up with over past said decades, mostly Chopin. As for all those Brahms ballades and Beethoven sonatas and Bach partitas … Well, suffice it to say 95% of them remain dead and buried, regardless of stupid New Year’s resolutions.

What else?

Oh, bollocks to what else, and bollocks to New Year’s Resolutions. How about this new tactic, instead? (I like the word ‘instead’. Opens so many possibilities, wouldn’t you agree?)

Instead of making that sodding useless list of things that you’ll never do, or things that you’ll start doing and then give up on, how about making a different kind of list entirely? How about, every January 1st, making a list of all the things you’ve achieved over the past twelve months? Even teeny weeny, practically invisible things. Maybe also things that you do on a regular basis, and do them pretty well. And then give yourself a hug. And feel inspired to keep on with those achievements, and wonder what unexpected new achievements the coming year will bring, rather than forcing them on yourself and inevitably failing.

Okay, so my list of achievements for 2023 (please allow me to show off just a little here) would include the following:

– keeping up my life-long journal

– keeping up my old Chopin repertoire (the other composers can rest in peace)

– still keeping up with bits of Spanish here and there (better some at random than none ever)

– keeping on good terms with my grown-up children (which is more than many parents can say, my own late mother included – have you read Infinite Stranger?)

– persisting with twice-daily dog walks, even though said dog – once an adorable puppy (see blog photo for proof) – has to wear a muzzle nowadays, and even though the sighting of another dog approaching causes my heart to palpitate …

Actually, I’m getting palpitations right now, just thinking about it. How many hours is it till his next walk…? But I persist, that’s the salient point. I don’t give up out of cowardice and just keep him in the garden, or give him back to the dog’s home from whence he was adopted five years ago by good-hearted moi. I persist! That’s a huge achievement, isn’t it? Not that said dog shows much gratitude. (I do actually love him really – when he’s at home.)

Sorry, I digress. What was my point?

Ah – that’s another New Year’s Resolution to add to my list – keep to the bloody point!

Except that I haven’t made a New Year’s Resolution this year remember? Instead, I’ve made an Old Year’s Excellence list, and I’m bloody proud of it. And maybe, by not making any New Year’s Resolutions for the first time in … umm … decades, I’ll end up doing some of those things I’ve forever been promising myself to do? Like ten minutes’ Spanish a day? And being the epitome of patience?

Hey, listen! OYE, that’s the way to go! Old Year’s Excellence!